The New Orleans Times Picayune

Witnesses report seeing a streetcar filled with what appeared to be Pirate Skeletons and driven by a young boy thundering down Bourbon Street last night. The streetcar did not appear to require tracks and was flying the Jolly Roger. The boy apparently stopped to pick up a couple visiting from the Empire of New York who were standing on a street corner. Witnesses saw the couple board the car, heard the woman scream, and then the couple debarked from the vehicle accompanied by a loud “ARRRRRRRR!” The woman reported being accosted by a skeleton who only had a thumb and a forefinger. The Boy did not appear to be under duress driving the streetcar. Mayor O’Keefe dismisses the incident as a Mardi Gras Crewe out for a bit of fun. If you see this streetcar, please alert the authorities to its location and what time you saw it there.

The number of Zombie attacks have risen in the last month, creating new tensions between the Voudouisant population and the rest of the citizenry. Several Vodou practitioners have been attacked in public for being at the root of the issue. Mayor O’Keefe says that the police department is stepping up patrols in The Garden District and Central Business District. Archbishop Michael Finn reports that church attendance seems to be approaching record levels. “When times are desperate,” the Archbishop said from the steps of the Archdiocese, “people return to the comforting hands of The Lord.”